dati lagi kitang napapatawa pero ngayon wala na akong nagawang maganda.. kelangan ko na naman bang lumayo? o kailangan ko ng tumigil na? yun na lang ba ang hinihintay mo? konting mali ko lang at galit na galit ka na… siguro karma ko to… ganito pala ang pakiramdam… bilib ako sayo… masyado palang masakit… parang halos hindi ko na kaya…
miss na miss kta… malaking kasalanan ba kung nag-aalala ako para sayo… gusto kitang makita pero sa ngayon hindi pwede… kung kaya ko lang pumunta jan kaya lang alam mo naman na hindi pwede… wala akong pera… pamasahe at visa wala ako nun… maswerte ang iba na pwede kang makita ng personal… kailangan ba personal din kitang puntahan? paano nga mangyayari yun wala nga ako jan… kaya ang hinihingi ko lang kahit picture man lang sana mapagbigyan… pero yun ang dahilan ng kinakagalit mo.. para bang napakalaking krimen ang paghingi ko ng picture na yan…
ayoko na humiling… hihintayin ko na lang ang mga bagay na gusto at ayaw mo… ganon na lang ba? paano naman ako? at eto… ni hindi ko magawang magonline dahil baka di mo rin naman ako pansinin… mas masakit kaya yun… ayoko rin na kulitin ka dahil baka lalo ka lang magalit at magkamali na naman ako sa mga sasabihin ko… at magagalit ka na naman… My God… kung pwede lang humiling na sana mamiss mo ko at di ka makatiis… ganito naman ako lagi.. humihiling na sana di mo ko matiis… pero sorry na lang ako kung hindi mo na ako hanap hanapin pa.. feeling ko hindi na ako nakakabuti sayo… parang ayaw ko na…
Marami akong gustong gawin pero di ko magawa dahil wala ka pa… siguro ‘pag balik mo na lang… walang ibang paraan sa ngayon kaya eto lang ang alam ko… wala akong ibang maibibigay kundi ang buong oras ko para sayo… pati ang sarili ko… iyong-iyo lang…
“Ikaw ang gusto kong maging mommy ng magiging baby ko….”
Hindi ko alam kung nananaginip lang ba ako nung marinig ko ang mga salitang yan mula sayo… Kung magkaka-baby ako gusto ko galing sa’yo… sa’tin… Maghihintay ako… Sana malapit na yun… Mahal kita sobra…
Dati, ako ang tipo ng taong ayaw na ayaw sa oras… ayokong nagmamadali… ayoko ng schedule… ayoko ng deadline… at lalong ayaw ko ng pressure. Sabi nila, time is gold daw. Napaka-common na ng mga salitang yan… Pero sa situation ngayon, hindi ko akalaing mamahalin ko ang bawat oras na nagdadaan as buhay ko… bawat minuto, bawat segundo ay sobrang importante para sa akin. Kung pwede lang na pahintuin ko ang oras para wag na itong umusad. Pero may mga pagkakataon sa buhay ko na gusto ko namang maging mabilis ang bawat oras sa bawat araw. Ang gulo ko noh? Wala lang…
Bawat paghinga… bawat pagkilos at pagtawag mo sa pangalan ko habang natutulog ka…. di mo lang alam kung gaano mo ko napapasaya… Sa simpleng pakikinig ko sa’yo habang natutulog ka… di mo lang alam kung paano ako nabubuhayan ng loob at patuloy na umaasa na isang araw makakasama rin kita, dito sa tabi ko… Kaya sana wag kang maiinis kung ilang araw na kitang binabantayan habang natutulog…. Masaya ako ng ganun, alam mo ba? Minsan para kang baby kung matulog… La lang… Iniisip ko na lang katabi kita at kayakap habang natutulog ng mahimbing… Mahal na mahal kita… Mahal na mahal…
Was there really a selective amnesia? I’ve read about this when I was in college. I’ve read a lot of articles about it coz I believe that every person has the ability to choose to just forget something that they want to if that specific situation or a memory is causing too much pain or if that situation is something that you can’t get over with.
It’s happening again. Just a few weeks I was having a lot of bad dreams and nightmares and it feels like it was so real. I’m sure some of you who might read this would think that I’m goin’ crazy but who are you to judge my sanity? Yes, I’m crazy in some ways… and how I wish I am so I can easily escape to reality.
I’m having a hard time to remember those things that happened in my past few years. Yesterday I’ve tried so hard but I just can’t remember anything and it’s freaking me out! Why I can’t remember them? Looking at those pictures were the last thing that I would want to do coz I thought that it would help me remember things…. I’ve tried so hard to forget some years in my life and I never thought that it will be possible… And now here I am… I can’t remember what I did during those years… all I could remember now is that during those times I was having a hard time to forget such things and now it’s even hard for me to remember what I did… thank God that I’ve written some of it… but the sad part is that what was written here were the sad memories in my life…
Naranasan mo na ba ang mag-isa? Ako? Aaminin ko… di ako sanay mag-isa… malungkot.. masakit… minsan gusto mong tumawa pero ilang sandali lang at mamamalayan mong mag-isa ka lang pala na tumatawa… sabi nila kapag ganun daw ay nababaliw ka na… pero paano kung wala ka naman kasing kasama at ikaw lang talagang mag-isa? kailangan bang pigilan ang pagtawa dahil di mo yun pwedeng gawin ng nag-iisa? Non sense noh? pero minsan totoo… wala lang…
This day is the day… You’ll be confined tomorrow and after that I don’t know what’s gonna happen… I don’t even know when will be the next time that you’ll be talking to me… I don’t know… but I want you to know that for as long as I’m here then I’ll keep on waiting for you… I love you so much baby… I am not making any promises here… but it has something to do with commitment… and it’s not necessarily mean that you are obliged to do the same thing… it’s just me… I am not a pessimists… I’m just lookin at things in a different perspective… I have nothing to lose… so I will just keep on hoping and will continue to believe that things will work out fine between us… specially you… Well, don’t worry about me… I’ll be fine…
Another struggle in my life has just began and I have to face it without you… For almost a year you’re always there for me… Since then I never felt any single day that I live without you beside me even you’re not with me literally… Hmm.. I’m wrong… coz even we’re not gonna talk for how many days or weeks or even months… still I know you will always be here… in my heart… and I can feel it… I love you so much baby…
Just a while ago, you’ve sent a link so I can hear the version of hikaru singing with or without you by u2… but do you know that since yesterday I keep on playing this song over and over again?
I still don’t know what to do with this blog. The posts were just imported from my two other blogspot accounts… But for what reason? Hmm… let’s say I’m just organizing them and maybe I should have to delete those two accounts to avoid duplicate posts. Hmmm.. I really have no idea for now… my mind is floating somewhere in the middle of nowhere…
Honestly, I really don’t know what to do… I don’t know what to say… All I want to do is to sit back and just hang on… and be visible for almost 24 hours in ym and talk to you all day long ’til I get to sleep… If only I can be with you… yeah right… enough for the sentiments… I really need something to do just to make myself busy and not be depressed…. I love you… get well soon baby… I will always be here for you… I’m just right here parekoi…
I just woke up and felt so bothered when I’ve read your offline messages telling me not to get upset with you… So I was thinking what could possibly happened or if you did something wrong to me.
Then I immediately sign in to Nimbuzz and asked you what happened. You told me that you already got your lab results and your blood sugar now increased to 180. Tsk… for 6 months you’ve been eating too much sweets. I can’t blame you for doing so because somehow I’m eating a lot of chocolates and ice cream too just to make me feel relieved… you know I am getting too depressed when you’re not with me…
Just a while ago you told me you’ve bought 2 boxes of Twix and chocolate bonbons. I guess that will be the last chocolate bar that you will gonna buy for this month. So from now on WE need to do some lifestyle change and need to have a healthy diet. LOL I just hope I can apply that to myself… LOL too stubborn…
Why am I missing you too much? You’re a million miles away from me now and the only thing that keeps us bonded is the only hope that someday you and me would finally be together again. Endless heartaches seems like it would never end. The only thing that’s left here in my room were the memories of “US” and the picture of you and me on the wall and in my wallet. My heart continues to bleed everytime I would start to remember a lot of things that happened in the past months… seems like its only me that can’t move on…
I just wanna be happy… I don’t wanna be alone anymore… If only I can ask you to just go back home and be with me again…
Don’t listen to me… I’m just being childish again…
kelangan ko na naman bang lumayo? o kailangan ko ng tumigil na? yun na lang ba ang hinihintay mo? konting mali ko lang at galit na galit ka na… siguro karma ko to… ganito pala ang pakiramdam… bilib ako sayo… masyado palang masakit… parang halos hindi ko na kaya… 
I just woke up and felt so bothered when I’ve read your offline messages telling me not to get upset with you… So I was thinking what could possibly happened or if you did something wrong to me.